We were in the Protectorate of all places for Hash 1404, this time back at the Camping Site on the left. The Hash pool team were runners-up yet again on Wednesday night, back in Heliopolis. It was a lovely warm afternoon and there were plenty of runners, your scribe being among them. We headed west along the wadi floor, in the direction of the entrance, then hanged a left and ascended the steep southern cliffs. We then continued southeastwards before turning directly into the sun and up another hill for the first cheque on top, a combined running and walking Czech, with runners and walkers arriving simultaneously. From there, we ploughed south up another hill and then had a long stretch eastwards before making our way back towards the wadi cliffs for checc two, on an exposed area, still quite a long way from the wadi itself. Again, a common chekk, with the walkers having been and gone. It wasn’t far from there to the cliffs themselves, where we caught up with those energetic walkers. There, the walkers turned left (west), while we runners continued a little along the cliff edge before descending to the wadi floor, passing a cool cave we hadn’t visited for a while.

We jogged back to the cars and there were some cute little thorny bushes with small violet flowers on. The run was five miles along and took 1 hour 30 mins (for slow coaches like your scribe), while the walk also lasted about 90 minutes this week.

Hugh J. Nuss kicks the Circle into action, as the beer drays distribute chocolate kisses to all and sundry, love sweets kindly donated by Titty Tattoo. After the Hares have been punished, sherbets are distributed to our old friends General Seamen (welcome back — Pete’s on a brief visit here, while he’s still based in Holland: Scuttlebutt and Nick are fine and they’re all going to be posted back to America soon) and Nine Holes (next stop Copenhagen!), as well as a bundle of newcomers — Meena from Singapore and her son, Adam; Laurie from Washington; Rebecca, a graphic designer from Louisiana; Catcha, a beautiful Russian lass from Washington; Mary from San Fran and travelling round the world; Daniel from the Midlands in England, who’s a senior exec with BP; David’s wife, Janice, from Strapped-Down-on-the-Oven, er Stratford-upon-Avon; Alison (who’s been in Cairo for a week and found us in the BCA magazine); Chris from Seattle; Yasmeen from Alexandria but born in San Fran; Aler’s friend Anne; and Marwa from Heliopolis. Over to Gorillas, who invites those Hashers not wearing Valentine’s colours to indulge in brewskis: the delectable Shauna, Rude Yard, Headache Enhancer (welcome back), Greased Palm, Erect Runner, Alex, Mary et al. We sing them. ‘Why were they Born?’

We now give Nine Holes the ally Pisser and General Seamen leads us in that old favourite, ‘Hashers, Meet the Hashers’, to the tune of the Flintstones song. Four attractive young ladies, namely Nour, Meesha, Larissa and Jessica, then step forward and Rudelski leads us in the ‘Titty Song’. That’s followed by another belle who kicks off the raffling, drawing Good To The Last Drop, who plucks the gin, while Shauna pulls Margaret, who opts for the red wine! Mrs Dog keeps them company, as she leads us in ‘We’re up in the Morning’. It’s time for some more raffle extracting, with Bowl Licker drawing Cookie (snatches the red wine) and Catcha selecting Good In Bed (enjoy that drop of rosé)! We give them a blast of ‘My Bonnie’, before Bootstrap draws Mystic Meg (I forget what she chose) and Mereeta extracts Bowl Licker himself, who succumbs to a bottle of white wine! And now for something really good — General Seamen picked up a splendid pair of red (for Saint Valentine’s) trainers this morning in the Maadi Grand Mall and he and Useless (who’d been suffering alarming withdrawal systems in recent weeks, due to the lack of new shoes on the Hash) drink out of them. Wonderful! Blitzkrieg (a dead ringer for General Goebbels) also downs a bevy.

The ale continues to flow for Laurie and her friend, both wearing cool hats, with Laurie drawing Bam-Bam, who picks up the pink teddy and then Blitzkrieg who opts for the Toblerone and another bar of choccie! Not to be outdone, Checks Me Out draws Good In Bed again (lunges for the champers), while Castrati pulls out John, who grabs more choccies, and finally the Siberian Sexbomb extracts Jessica who’s now the proud owner of some tea towels! They are treated to a verse or two of ‘What a Spank’. And now it’s time to select the best-dressed Valentine dude. The candidates are Upside Ben Doone, Hugh J. Nuss, Underdeveloped, Cream Offski and Bowl Licker, who gets it on the cheer. They’re followed by a bunch of beautiful young dudettes, all dressed in Valentine’s fashion: Mystic, Shauna (cool, violet-coloured panties), Good To The Last Drop, Bootstrap, Athletic Supporter and Laurie, with Shauna getting on the cheer (wins a liquid prize) and Athletic Supporter being given flowers for coming second. We sing them the ‘Roll Back’ song.

And now for the most romantic couples. We choose from Mary and Matt; Puss In Boots and Good In Bed; General Seamen and Putin Out; Pieter and wife; and Rudie and Castrati. PIB and GIB get it on the cheer, while Mary and Matt are worthy runners-up. Over to Cheeky Little Brat With Red Cheeks, who announces that Hash 1405 will be a mystery Hash, so the Hares (whoever they are) are not invited to have a down-down. John too grabs a bevy, while it’s announced that the On-On is at Dragon House today. So that was that, as two Valentine’s balloons headed skywards, inextricably entwined with each other. On-On!!

A mouthwatering suggestion: Now the weather’s getting warmer, it’s a nice idea to buy a couple of cans of Saqqara. Pour one into a pint glass, drink a little then top it up with Coca-Cola. You now have a refreshing shandy, what’s known in Southern Germany as eine Schörle. Make sure it’s nice and cold. Go on, give yourself a well-deserved, late February treat.

5. Chain of Pain: Canadian Chris ON-ON Useless

Older scribes can be found here http://www.cairohash.com/docs/old