"I’ve only got two women." "Gee that’s a big crack." "Chase the puss, Useless." "Tobias told us that he’s done it." "The French Army run to the nearest bar then surrender."

We were at the Picnic Site for Hash 1415. The rain had damaged the track into the site, so it was rather bumpy, at least the first bit was, just off the roundabout under the New Ain Al-Sukhna Road. Your scribe was with the runners as they headed into the sun, to the west of the cliff range north of us. The FRBs clambered up a small hill and then down again as there was a back cheque on top. We then ran back to the first Czech near the west end of the cliffs. From there, the FRBs took a falsie up the cliffs, which even fooled Rudie. Meanwhile, Good In Bed picks up the real trail, heading back into the sun. We then ran up the second batch of cliffs behind the first and continued north across the plain to checc two, on a little mound not far from the road that leads to the Olympics Site. Then an FT took us eastwards, while the real trail meandered north again, crossing two slender wadis. Then we veered east again, with the runners further east on the edge of main cliffs, not far from the bosomy feature. We ran up that little mound with the trig point on and a running chekk, continuing towards the main cliff, passing a long/short split on the right. The long split, going southwest, had some nice views, but most of us opted for the short trail, with the third chekk on the edge of those cliffs.

It was warm and windy and there was a little cave beneath us, formed where the cliff edge had started to split away. There was a good view of the cement factories in the distance, as we descended the cliffs and returned to base. The run and the walk both took about 1 hour 20 mins and we ran past the walkers as we approached the RV. The Hash started an hour early, at 3pm, due to a special event at Heliopolis, for which Bam-Bam, his wife and other stalwarts were busy preparing, which meant that they had to miss the Hash today (see below).

Hugh J. Nuss punishes the Hares for their wonderful trails. We sing them ‘Why Were They Born?’, before a whole bundle of visitors get called up: André, a Swiss who owns a factory called Felco that produces garden shears; an English gentleman called Bob wearing a green hat and who works in Tokyo; Luke, a Scotsman, also working as an engineer in Tokyo; Sir Spank A Lot (welcome back from Germany); Nancy (in fact her third Hash here); Ruth in a floppy hat who works for the British Council; Innes (he’s been here before); big Stephen (working here for four weeks for the British Government); Tight Knacker (welcome back from Australia); Marina; Kia; Pat’s husband, a paper manufacturer; and Pat. After them, Tight Knacker gallantly lets Useless drink of his new-looking size 13 shoes. In fact they both have a delicious drink from each shoe. And then Pat gets stuck into a bit of the old raffling, drawing Innes (sweeps the vodka); big Steve (a case of Saqqara); big Steve (white wine); Mr Dog (the pornogra); and Useless (the Interhash rucksack kindly donated along with other goodies to this week’s raffle by Good In Bed)!

Meanwhile, Bad Lay swallows the Pisser (or rather its contents), being joined by Vaughan, Hani and Hot Air. We give them a blast of ‘We Go Hashing’, before Mister Dog takes over, punishing Useless (!), Tobias and Nancy for not signing in, along with big Steve (generously distributed the beer he’d won); Tracy and Charlotte. We sing them ‘It’s a Hash House Sin’. After them, it’s Athletic Supporter, a beauty who gets a well-earned 75-run Tea shirt, Useless (wearing a tarboosh in the Circle) and Luke (MF checks out his kilt!). Everyone sings them the ‘Titty Song’, before Seamen Inter (Nabil) gets a big birthday Pisser, being joined by Nadine, Bad Lay (Pisser) and Marina (likes vodka). They get a blast of ‘We’re the Hash House Harriers’. Next, it’s Bad Lay, for spreading scurrilous porkies about the Siberian Sexbomb, the Siberian Sexbomb herself, Useless and Good In Bed, who’s soon going to be leaving us (boo hoo). Good In Bed leads us in the ‘4Skin Song’. Titty Tattoo then reminds us about Moon Beach, enjoying refreshments along with Herr Hund and Mirelle.

Back over to The Dude, who invites Castrati to indulge in a wee bit of raffle extracting. She pulls Clare (obtains the Pimms), Hot Air (takes the choccies and gets the Pisser), Hot Air again (picks up the health certificate) and The Italian Blob (focuses on the camera)! Then Richard extracts Innes (grabs the Schnapps), Rudie (more choccies) and Athletic Supporter (grabs something, I can’t read my writing)! Nabil and Good In Bed enjoy refreshments too (a small one in GIB’s case), while Frau Hund leads us in ‘We’re up in the Morning’. Good In Bed receives a further d-d, along with old man Cream Off, so we sing them ‘When I’m 64’. The Hares for Hash 1416 at 3pm in the Protectorate are now called up: Herr und Frau Hund, Cheeky Little Brat and Smack Ass. Should’ve Been Blonde, Good In Bed and Rock Star are finally punished.

After that, a whole bundle of us headed to the BCA Heliopolis for Bam-Bam and his wife’s 25^th wedding anniversary bash (Jan looks younger than 25). The band were great with Jim on drums, Bam-Bam on vocals, Hoare House Hotel on base guitar and a gorgeous blonde creation on the keyboards. The curries provided by Jim and the quiches by Rock Star were wonderful. On-On!!

Older scribes can be found here http://www.cairohash.com/docs/old