Hash Trash 1420 was held above the Picnic Site. Your scribe was moving house last weekend, which meant that he missed Hash 1419. Gorillas told me there were two lovely new pairs of shoes last week. How infuriating! The running trail today went in an anticlockwise direction, while the walkers, including your scribe, headed towards the big bosomy feature, with the first cheque beneath it. A few of us clambered to the top, where we spotted the last runners’ Czech. We then turned north and up the small cliffs, before passing the trig point on our left. We discovered a falsie at this point, sending us north across the plain to the second Czech. The trail from there led us back to the cliffs for the third chekk and we headed down into a ravine before another false trail brought us up again. We spent a lot of time today looking for the trail. Eventually we picked it up again, taking us a little way westwards along the cliffs then down them again and a gentle stroll back to the cars. Both the running and walking trails took about 1 hour 15 mins this week. It was a hot old afternoon — it’s just as well we’ve gone back to those 5pm starts.

Hugh J. Nuss leaps into action, punishing the Hares, as well as Rudie, who described the running Hares as drunken sailors. We give them a blast of ‘Why Were They Born?’ And now this week’s visitors are invited to partake of a gargle: Perry (a very talented pool player — his dad plays for the Hash pool team), Haytham (not Baldero, but another Haytham who runs the gym at the Heliopolis Intercontinental), Anne (a secretary from Inverness), Abigail from Washington D.C., Penny and Dave from Brisbane, and Gale. We give them a blast of the ‘Pyramids Song’ before Herr Hund moves into action, inviting four worthy gentlemen to partake of refreshments for wearing yellow Tea shirts: Hoare House Hotel, Adel (cool green hat as well), Bam-Bam (it wasn’t even a Hash Tea shirt) and Pussy Wig (cool 1998 yellow Rehydration Hash Tea shirt). Then Frau Hund takes the helm, calling up the non-signers-inners — visitor Dave Langton, Greased Palm (circled ‘Yes’ for ‘Paid’) and Flusher. They were joined by Hannah, who became a paid-up member of CH3 today. We give them a spirited rendition of ‘It’s a Hash House Sin’. Back to Herr Hund who presents awards to three long-serving Hashers: Not In The Mood (picks up a bunch of flowers for doing 250 runs and also a splendid 10-Hare mug), Cookie (receives a big bunch of flowers and bottle of wine for clocking up 400 runs) and Useless (who’s presented with a case of Saqqara for notching up 500). Then Hashers whose birthdays occur at about this time indulge in sherbets — Speechless, her mama and Lion Fart.

Back to Hugh J. Nuss, who launches this week’s raffle (thanks to Cookie, Ben Doone et al for donating prizes). Athletic Supporter draws Flusher (grabs a case of Saqqara), while Gale extracts her nephew who plumps for the Malibu and Abigail chooses Lion Fart, who grabs the VSOP! Meanwhile, Should’ve Been Blonde pulls Blowout, who snatches the golph balls, while Rock Star selects a ticket belonging to visitor Dave, who picks up one of the little coolers, before D. Floured’s mum pulls Cookie (thanks to her and The Sheriff for providing us all with beer today) who doesn’t leave the haggis! Castrati then extrapolates Athletic Supporter, who zeroes in on one of the Tea shirts; the beautiful Gigi draws Tit For Tat, who takes another baby cooler; she in turn extracts Pin Pricked and Margaret (both opt for baby coolers) and Not In The Mood (confiscates another Tea shirt), who in turn selects Mary Fran (picks up the soap) and The Italian Blob (gets the tea bags)! The Sheriff and Cookie are now called up and thanked for all that free beer, as well as Carol and family for the watermelon. Mister Dog now steps into the firing line, inviting folk wearing cool garments to indulge in sherbs: Gale (groovy shorts), Hannah (super college Tea shirt), S. Peckleham (? [I can’t read my writing again — anyway he or she was sporting super shorts]) and Dave, who has three nipples and was clad in a glittering Indian silk chemise. We give them a blast of the ‘Titty Song’.

Over to The Sheriff, who punishes Dave for having drunk out of his right hand, along with Jim, Nabil, Beccy and Dan, who all found little yellow discs on the running and walking trails. In fact, Castrati found two yellow discs. The Sheriff and Cookie generously present them with yummy alcoholic prizes. The Italian Blob gets to drink from the bell. They are followed by Karim, who gallantly helped Tit For Tat bring the beer today when her Jeep conked out; Innes, who ran out of petrol; and Pussy Wig, who supplied him with juice to revive his motor. Melts In Her Mouth and his wife now receive refreshments, with Melts passing on the Chain of Pain to Upside Ben Doone for mobile violations, while little Pebbles was busy courting Bogie right in the middle of the Circle. Finally, Cream Off announces Hash 1421 in Wadi Hof, with Gigi gallantly offering to help. Doctor Bassem also gets a down-down, as does The Sheriff of Nottingham, who announces tonight’s On-On at Max’s in New Maadi. On-On!!

1. New Smelly Galabiya: Marie-Louise
2. Old Smelly Galabiya: Andy
3. Magic Lantern: Little Dina
4. Toilet Seat: Spoilt Little Brat
5. Chain of Pain: Upside Ben Doone
6. Underpants Cap: Pussy Wig On-On Useless

Older scribes can be found here http://www.cairohash.com/docs/old