"That feels nice, but I prefer it inside, as the actress said to the Bishop." "Miller Genuine Draft — even Useless could resist the temptation." "Asian women are lovely but you make it sound like subterfuge." "Darren — yes, a total bullshitter: he’d make a great GM." "Wing Nut’s a dead ringer for Alfred E, Newman."

We were in Maadi for Hash 1428, the first of this August. Numbers were up and we met at the ACE before walking and running round the local streets. Your scribe was with the runners, as we ran off down 250^th Street, parallel to the railway tracks, past Midan Digla and then nearly as afar as little Suzie’s old place, before everyone got a wee bit lost, as the Hares couldn’t lay much flower, what with all the mosques and policemen hereabouts. We then crossed the tracks and ran down the little road near the flyover above the Tube, part of the road that joins the Corniche to the Autostrade. Soon, we were whizzing past Useless’ new drum, before descending into the drainage ditch under the Tube line with the trains rocketing over our heads, just a few feet above us. We scrambled up the north side and ran through Tora past the old prison on the right. When we reached Tora el-Balad Underground Station, we crossed over the line, using the long footbridge.

At the foot of the steps by the military railway line, sandwiched between Underground sidings to the west and a big electricity station to the east (with the main prison complex further east), we had the first cheque, then continued north down the track. Soon we reached the flyover again. This time we turned right and ran along the top of the trench, then down for the second Czech in the bottom. We then crossed the trench and ran up Road 198, turning left into Rd 233, pausing for the third checc near the older of Digla’s two orphanages. Some of the FRBs, including Damien, missed the chec completely, so your scribe toddled off down Road 233 after them. He ended up at the ACE without finding them. There he picked up his bike and cycled to Tit For Tat’s place. The other group of runners, spearheaded by TFT, soon arrived, with the FRBs turning up about a quarter of an hour later. The run took 1 hour 10 mins, the walk 1 hour 30 mins.

Hugh J. Nuss leaps into action, punishing the Hares in the Circle, kindly hosted by Tit For Tat in the garden of her place. Then our day’s visitors are provided with refreshments: Gorilla’s colleague Don from Arizona; his dazzling habeeba Judith, a teacher from southern Sudan; Christina, a barley grower from Seattle; Oasis (?) from Holland; Marina and Eustina (Mirelle’s exquisite cousins from Toronto); Vanessa (Hash Handle Bunny) from the United Kingdom and Tanzania; the daughter of Vanessa; and Venom Sucker (aka Lynn), fresh from Vietnam where she taught for six years and recently met Good To The Last Drop. We give them a blast of ‘Why were they Born?’ Over to Gorillas (welcome back), who invites the auxiliary RA, Doggy Style, and the beautiful Mystic Meg to enjoy a down-down. Then it’s our FRBs, Eustasia, Damien and Dan, while Tommy tells us a cool joke. After that, Mrs Dog leads us in ‘We’re up in the Morning’, as the non-signers-inners are called up: Eustasia (also drank out of her right hand), Christian, Clark Brown, the delightful Judith, Useless (!), Erect Runner, Bad Lay (!), Uncle Ted and Don, who works in Belgrade.

The sherbets continue to flow for Eustasia again, after which Gorillas himself, Bad B and Erect Runner, Hares for Hash 1429, quaff brewskis. Over to Herr Hund, who calls up Innes (he definitely has RA potential), Eustasia and her daughter, as well as Blow Back, Margaret, Should’ve Been Blonde, Innes’ wife and Skid Marks, for talking in the Circle, along with Nagla. They also get ‘Why were they Born?’ And now it’s time to name Hanna, who’s returning to America soon to do her Master’s. Gorillas, HJN and Useless christen her Blow Hole. Meanwhile, Anita, who works as Halliburton’s senior legal adviser, gets the splendid Hash Handle I Know Dick, at the inspiration of the beautiful Judith’s habeeb, Don. We also name Eustasia’s daughter Nakka Takka for good measure, being as they’re from Dar es-Salaam and Nakka Takka is the Swahili for rubbish and she and Erect Runner had a good natter about rubbish on the walkers’ trail today. This is followed by everyone sitting in the Circle being offered refreshments, namely Cracker, Greased Palm, Kevin, Should’ve Been Blonde, Athletic Supporter (she kindly hosted a great Hash Committee meeting last week), Marg, Doug and Venom Sucker. We expose them to a spirited rendition of ‘Dough the Stuff’.

Back to Tommy, who instructs sherbs to be distributed to Paul and Steve, who came to the rescue on the beer front during the Circle. We also welcome back Margaret and Dougal, with Gorillas addressing us in the groovy Irish accent of his ancestors. He gets a d-d for his cheesy jokes, as does Bad B, before Dirty Little Brat With Grubby Red Cheeks presents the Hares with very nice beer can/bottle holders he’s kindly designed and paid for himself, for which he gets to swallow a whole can of Saqqara. He receives more refreshments, being joined by Useless. Finally, the last down-down goes to Greased Palm for kindly hosting tonight’s On-On. We round off with Schwing Lowe, before we all descended on Greased Palm’s place for a lovely On-On with lots of tasty grub and beer. On-On!

1. New Smelly Galabiya: Marie-Louise
2. Old Smelly Galabiya: Andy
3. Magic Lantern: Little Dina
4. Toilet Seat: Spoilt Little Brat
5. Chain of Pain: Little Rachel
6. Underpants Cap: Wing Nut On-On Useless

Older scribes can be found here http://www.cairohash.com/docs/old