"You're wearing skanko shorts, you sweat bag." " Dick On A Stick: There's a Hash name to conjure with." "Doctor Down-Down - where were you? You missed a great Ball, dude." "Doctor Bassem could have donated a free brain surgery session or two to the Hash Ball raffle." "I'll make it stretch." "I bet that's what you tell all the girls. In my case I have to make it shrink."

Hash 1439 saw us park outside the entrance to Wadi Digla Protectorate. There was a sizeable crowd, surprising given that many of us were partying last night to all hours at the Annual Hash Ball, held on the Pharaohs' Boat (more on this below). The trails were live, with Ken Davies very spontaneously and gallantly offering to conjure up a runners' trail. We runners headed into the wadi, running eastwards past the broken-down building on the left and on and on, past the first RV on the right. The FRBs were led up the southern cliffs by Barbie's Squashed Balls, somewhere near the second RV on the right, while slow coaches Useless, Ted and Hash Queen of Sheba ascended at that first RV. The three of us then ran back to the gates, taking 1 hour 10 mins, while KD and co had got back before us, running down off the cliffs then back along the wadi floor, past the returning walkers.

The Dude gets the show on the road on this beautiful afternoon, punishing himself and the other Hares, as well as lots of visitors: Michael from Colorado; Georgia from Boston; Erica from North Calorina; Nagwa from Egypt; Hash Queen from Addis Ababa; Sebastian (Swiss); Andy (Swiss); Amr (a pharmacict from Cairo); Philip (an electrical engineer from the Egyptian capital); Hani (also a Cairene); Basant (another citizen of Africa’s largest city); Sarah from Maine; Eva (a Danish journalist); Fleming (another photographer); Mounir (another electrical engineer) and Shereen (a ‘human resources’ specialist who recruited Mounir for his present assignment). Over to Herr Hund, who punishes Sabreen and a German dude for talking in the Circle, along with Cheeky Little Bratwurst and Kafka, also for talking. Meanwhile, this week’s non-signers-inners also receive beverages — a dude, Adam, Squashed Balls, Useless and Steve. Hash Queen of Sheba is called up for more refreshments, along with those Hashers sporting cool hats today, examples of millinery excellence, namely Lofti, Charlotte, a German dude in a naval hat, another dude, a doll, two toddlers and Ryan the student. We sing them ‘Why were they Born?’

Next, Erect Runner gets the Pisser for announcing the Rehydra Run next Friday. Frank then gets the Pisser, being joined by Mona and Asshole Mania (welcome back), as well as Balie (my writing again) and student Ryan. We sing them ‘We’re the Hash House Harriers’. Frank gets another Pisser for drinking out of his right hand, being joined by student Ryan (any more d-ds and someone will have to save him), Underdeveloped, Barbie’s Squashed Balls and Sebastian, on account of thei tummy buttons. After them, it’s Joerg and Barbie’s Squashed Balls, who nearly won Hash awards last night. They are kept company by Should’ve Been Blonde (nearly won too), Squashed Balls (second-best-dressed Hasher), Cheeky Little Brat, Checks Me Out and Melts In Her Mouth. Tania now announces that she wants to give away her pussy called Fanny. I Know Dick, for looking so elegant last night, also partakes of a sherbet, as do Mrs Dog (whom Mr Dog proudly describes as having been so elegant last night), Tit For Tat, and The Mystical One (with The Little Mystical One on the way). We give them a blast of ‘We Could’ve Seen the Pyramids’, before Hash Queen, Shereen (thanks for sponsoring the Rehydration Tea shirt), Sebastian and the German naval dude (gets the Pisser) are hauled out, with Hash Queen of Sheba leading us in an Ethiopian Hash song.

The German dude receives another Pisser for drinking out of his right hand. Everyone else with naval connections apart from Uncle Wes joins him and we sing them ‘It’s Fun to Stay at the YMCA’. Finally Erect Runner is furnished with another Pisser as he reminds us again about the Rehydra event. Lotfi and Herr Hund keep him company. So that was that, before we headed back to the Red Onion for the On-On. On-On!!

Seventy-two of us attended the Annual Hash Ball on the Pharaohs’ Boat last night. The food and beer were great, as was the disco dancing. After the meal, Hugh J. Nuss presented special awards to Athletic Supporter and Tit For Tat for all their hard work in organising the Ball, while Frau Hund gives them both lovely flowers. Then The Duke announced this year's Hash award winners and it went something like this:

1.Best Hash event - Hash Ball (Bad All The Time and Athletic Supporter)

2. Best Away Hash - el-Bahariya Oasis (Good To The Last Drop - now in Vietnam)

3. Hasher of the Year - Uncle Wes

4. Hashette of the Year - Tit For Tat

5. Hare of the Year - Darren

6. Best Newcomer - Incomplete

7.Hash Schytte - Gorillas (now in Ghana)

8. Most Saintly - Frau Hund

9. Big Waster - Greased Palm

10. Hash Fashion - Athletic Supporter

10. 6 nights at Uncle Seal's hotel in Lombok - Peter from British Petroleum
11. Golph at Dreamland - Rock Star
12. More golph at Dreamland - Rudie
13. A splendid pendant - a beautiful girl

1. New Smelly Galabiya: Marie-Louise
2. Old Smelly Galabiya: Andy
3. Magic Lantern: Little Dina
4. Toilet Seat: Spoilt Little Brat
5. Chain of Pain: Little Rachel
6. Underpants Cap: Wing Nut On-On Useless

Older scribes can be found here http://www.cairohash.com/docs/old