You're going to see it soon, Cucking Funt." "Looking at McCain's progress, perhaps we should rename Anita I Know John." "Useless was cheering Egypt in bed last night." "Come to the Hash next Friday and something’s bound to pop up." "Plug fancies Cock Tamer."

We were at the Bunkers Site for Hash 1455, this time on the left of the little side road. Your scribe was with the walkers as we headed into the sun, still recovering from the Pharaohs' impressive win last night against Côte d'Ivoire in the semifinals of the African Cup of Nations. Little could we have guessed at the time that they were destined to lift the trophy only 72 hours' later, courtesy of a superb 76-minute strike by the versatile Abu Treika! We then headed southwards, before turning back into the sun, past that large man-made hill. We were basically describing a large, anticlockwise circle and it was certainly a wee bit warmer this week as we approached Czech Two, near where the RV was four weeks ago. From there, we experienced an FT before reaching a drinks stop on the little side road near the RV, where we enjoyed ‘Coke’ and rum, before strolling back for the Circle. The walk and run both took about an hour.

Hugh J. Nuss ignites the Circle, punishing the beautiful Hares, before calling up all those visitors: Peter and Rick (working in containers); Jean from Denmark; Karen; Alina from Romania; Tresvan (containers); Belgians Maria and her mama, Lorence, a former lawyer; Moira, a teacher from Scotland; Denny (Holland); Susan (Denmark); Khalija (an Egyptian psychiatric nurse); Tareq (an Egyptian engineer); Ken’s brother, Roy, with a melodious, soporific voice like the man on the Mr Kipling’s exceedingly good cakes ad; a Dutch dude; Dave from the US; Anne-Marie from Holland; Sonia from India; Diane, a teacher from Texas; and Antoine and his son, Paul, from France. We sing them, ‘We Could’ve Seen the Pyramids’, after which Athletic Supporter invites the non-signers-in to get stuck into sherbets: Cocker, Barbie (not Ken) and Easy Rider. It’s back over to Uncle Wes, who invites Bottleneck, Lotfi, Cream Off and Deborah (not Skid Marks) to get some Sakkara down their necks, as their birthdays occur at about this time. We sing them the ‘Counting down from 10 to 1 Song’.

Bad Lay now takes the helm, inviting Bottleneck again for passing his AIDS test, along with Old Dirty Basket, who are followed by all the Egyptians present. Next, he asks all the ladies' men to step forward for refreshments: Susan (?!), Pussy Wig, Stuart, Cocker, The Duke and Useless (gets the Pisser). Easy Rider leads us in a new song, after which it's time for the RA's weekly pop trivia quiz, with down-downs being distributed to the knowledgeable Psycho Tits, Alain, Melissa (not Mystic), Moira, Lia and Jim, as well as Mario and Diane. We give them a blast of 'We Go Hashing'. Yal Dab was wanting to give our Daphne a d-d, but Daffers hadn't turned up this week, so he chooses Susan from Denmark instead, who asks Pim (gets the Pisser) to indulge in a beverage with her. She Comes Quietly joins them. And now for something very important: presenting Cookie with a fabulous 423-run leaver's mug, while she selects Stew to join her. The fun continues at full throttle, with Cock Tamer and Doggie Style leading us in a rendition of the '4Skin Song' for our English rugby enthusiasts - Sean (welcome back from Hartlepool), Useless (!), Ted and James.

Next, Mr Dog reminds us that Hash 1456 will be the Annual Valentine's Hash, while the Hares for the said event are suitably punished: Mr Dog himself, Mrs Dog, Steph, Sleazy Rider, Cream Offovich and Cock Tamer. Finally, Barbie's Squashed Balls calls up a number of dudes for wearing cool shorts. And the assembled Hashers select the one with the coolest shorts, on whom KD bestows the Chain of Pain, namely Triathlon Man. And that was that, with a novel wee On-On in downtown Cairo, involving an apèritif at the Horriya in Bab el-Louq, followed by dinner Estoril and nightcap in the rooftop Odeon. On-On!!

1. New Smelly Galabiya: Marie-Louise
2. Old Smelly Galabiya: Andy
3. Magic Lantern: Little Dina
4. Toilet Seat: Spoilt Little Brat
5. Chain of Pain: Spoilt Little Bratwurst
6. Underpants Cap: Wing Nut On-On Useless

Older scribes can be found here http://www.cairohash.com/docs/old