We were at the Picnic Site for Hash 1459, at which Spreads Easily was busy raising money for a very good cause - helping to pay for her sponsored bike ride this summer across the United States, in order to raise money for projects to help build houses for the poor in America. Your scribe was with the runners as we headed into the sun and then along a dried-up riverbed, before curving round northwards. The weather's getting warmer and there were one or two lizards and beetles around. Cheque one was positioned at the foot of that low band of hills. From there, after an FT which benefited the slow coaches, we headed up those hills, with your scribe doing a Chris Bonington, attempting a perilous direct and near vertical ascent of the north cliff, which almost resulted in his bouncing all the way back down, ass over tytt. Anyway, he made it to the top, then turned left in the wake of the FRBs and soon we were cascading down the northern side of those cliffs and up the west face of the next cliffs. Chris would have been proud of us.

After that, we ran east across the plain and then scrambled back down the cliffs, converging on the walkers as we scurried southwards towards the third checc, passing gypsum shining in the sun and fossilised oyster shells. It was a drinks cheqq, where Hashers purchased non-alcoholic and intoxicating beverages, with the profits going towards Spreads Easily's charity ride. We then wandered back to the cars. The two trails both each took about an hour this week. Curiously, we didn't go near the bosomy feature: Psycho Tits and Nipple Twister should set a Hash here one day, with a joint runners and walkers' cheek on top.

Naughty Little Bratwurst launches the Circle, after we have been given the opportunity to buy tasty food on offer, including beef sandwiches and chili con carne, with the profits again going towards Spreads Easily's charity ride. The Hares are then refreshed, after which Spreads Easily gets called up again and tells us more about her charity ride. And when one Hare drinks! We then welcome this week's newcomers: Christine, a student from New York; Natasha, a student from Texas; Renate, a trainspotter from Hamburg; another doll; Joerg's brother, Clarkson; Clarkson's habeeba, Anne-Meyer; and finally Jean-Marie. And now Frau Hund calls up this week's non-signers-inners and what a splendid crop they are: Hare Brain, Cock Tamer, Barbie's Squashed Balls, the Frog family, the GM himself, Bosoms From Brussels, Castrati, Cucking Funt, Hugh J. Nuss, Spreads Easily, Mike Baldache, Mario and Comes Quietly. It's back over to Spoilt Little Battenburger, who asks those citizens who donated prizes to today's special raffle for the charity ride to step for refreshments: Jim, Bosoms From Brussels, Bad B, Spreads Easily herself, Wayne, Barbie's Squashed Balls, Useless, Mister Dog, Athletic Supporter, Mrs Dog, Castrati and Cock Tamer.

Bad B gets called up again for wearing a hat in the Circle, along with Mister Dog for the same offence, receiving the Pisser. They are joined by all the Germans present, with Bad B leading us 'In der Schule'. Bad Lay now makes his presence felt, calling up Bobby once more, along with Natasha who rings his bell. They are followed by the GM, for being genetically modified, 24-beer New Zealand Gary and Doc Sameh, who's got the clap. We sing them, 'Why were they Born?' And now Hugh J. Nuss makes his presence felt in launching this week's raffle, at which there are many prizes, with the proceeds going to Spreads Easily's charity ride. Dina kicks off the raffle extracting, drawing Old Dirty Basket, who selects the 'Laphroaig'; Athletic Supporter (chooses the white wine); Nada (whisky); and Gunther (the mock mother-of-pearl backgammon set). Another doll called Christine extrapolates Bay Watch Babe (zeroes in on a case of Sakkara), after which the lady who co-ordinates technology at the CAC draws Bam-Bam (who also seizes whisky), Steve Gaborg (plunders the 'Jaegermeister'), Natasha (gallantly demands a redraw), the husband of the lady who co-ordinates technology at the CAC (a cool cool box), the beautiful Belgian Françoise (red wine) and one of the Siberian Sex Bomb's friends (white wine).

She herself then pulls Mario (obtains the alcoholic lemon drink), after which another gorgeous Hashette draws Scott (the second case of Sakkara), Jim (a smaller cool cool box), Anne-Meyer (books) and Wayne (snouts). Triathlon Man is selected next, whipping the jelly beans. And Comes Quietly proceeds to extract the RA (gallantly demands a redraw), Athletic Supporter (now the proud owner of a smart, bright-red jerry can) and Bosoms (more books). And Joerg's wife pulls Steve Gaborg again and he plumps for the hot sauce, after which another of the Siberian Sex Bomb's friends extracts Mario again (the rice cooker), Bad Lay (gallantly demands a redraw), Clarkson (more books) and lastly Steve Gaborg again, who is presented with more books.

After Spreads Easily and Renate have impressed us with their gymnastics, Bad Lay makes several announcements. But there is still something of consequential significance - presenting Underdeveloped with a leaver's mug and a 10-Hare mug and Mystic Meg with a leaver's mug. It's their last Hash, before they head off to China with Frog Spawn and Mystic Minor. A great treat follows for Useless, as he and Underdeveloped drink out of the latter's humungous waterproof size-14 trainers before their traditional burial. We round off the day's fun with Bad Lay presenting the Chain of Pain to Easy Rider. And after that, we headed back to Maadi. The military are getting serious at the entrance to the Picnic Site, putting one of those tyre traps with metal teeth across the exit and only removing it on payment of LE5 in tribute. Anyway, the On-On was held at the Red Onion. On-On!!

If you would like to learn more about Jessica Pouchet’s (the real name of Spreads Easily) cause or still want to contribute to it, please visit www.bikeandbuild.org to read about the organsation and donate online. Jessica would like to thank everyone for helping organize today’s event and also contributing to her very worthy cause, raising 20% of what she needs.

1. New Smelly Galabiya: Marie-Louise 2. Smelly Galabiya: Andy

Older scribes can be found here http://www.cairohash.com/docs/old