"Useless is the only journalist I've ever met who can't spell the word phuqq." "Where does Ken put it all?"

The Trail

We were at the Amphitheatre Site in Wadi Digla for Hash 1460. Your scribe was with the runners as we headed up the southern cliffs, the walkers following behind us, but then taking that cool, east ridge. The runners' first Czech was on top, after which we ran southwards towards the bigger hills, your scribe and the injured Barbie's Squashed Balls following the Hares on a shortcut. The second checc was in a sheltered area surrounded by hills, before we scaled another huge cliff for the third cheque on top, with a cool view of the military radio tower. It was different from most of the trails we've had there, as we were running a bit further east than usual. From there, we ran back to base, crossing a plane and having the fourth cheque about halfway back. After that, there was a tricky scramble down a cliff, a bit like a slalom event. We then ran down that spectacular ridge the walkers had negotiated and back to the chariots. The run took about 1 hr 20 mins and the walk a little less. The Hares had organized splendid refreshments for us, including tins of cold Guinness and cups of Bailey’s Irish Cream. Plug drank your scribe’s Bailey’s! A dog with a sweet tooth.

Hugh J. Nuss launches the Circle, punishing the Hares and then he calls up the visitors: Hoare House Hotel’s friend; Wayne from Pompey; Michael Brandt (Easy Rider’s friend, who arrived in Cairo at 5am today, then they got up to set the Hash at 8am); a telecommunications dude from DC; Canadian Jade; Steph from California; Egyptian Harley; Jonas, a GUC student resident in 199^th Street; Kevin and Marie from Donegal (Clare’s friends); Jim and his two children from Heliopolis; and two more children. Jim ran over his cool box before setting out for the Hast today, demolishing eight tins of Sakkara and a bottle of red wine. And now for something very important: I.P. Freely is awarded a 10-Hare mug and also a 50-Hare Tea shirt, while Steph and Marie join him. We give the '4Skin Song', after which we present Hoare House Hotel with a committee leaver's plate, full of beer, as he's off to Tanzania shortly. One cannot conSeal the fact that he has made an indispensable contribution to the Cairo Hash. We are then reminded that Steffi Rolsch (not Steph), who works at the German Embassy needs naming, along with her compatriots, Debbie Seefa (a professional nanny from Bonn) and Mike Brandt (a sunburnt salesman).

Over to Colonel Rossiter. As it's Saint Patrick's Day, he invites people with Irish connections to partake of a drop of sherbet: Claire from Donegal, her friends Kevin and Marie, Barbie's Squashed Balls (as he's wearing a 1983 Cairo Saint Patrick's Hash Tea shirt), Mike Cogan, Bobby Williams (boyo!), another dude and Bad Lay himself. We sing them, 'If you're Irish'. Down-downs are then distributed to those of us wearing green knickers this week: Bad Lay, Athletic Supporter, Easy Wife, Useless and Martin. They are succeeded by those citizens who generously give folk lifts to the Hash each week, including Easy Rider, The Dude, Charlotte, Castrati and Austrian Werner. They are treated to a blast of 'We're the Hash House Harriers'. Mister Dog, Barbie's Squashed Balls (handles the Pisser with aplomb) and Colonel Rossiter indulge in brewskis for being Welshmen, along with Wayne, our honorary Welshman. Once these boyos have enjoyed a gargle, Athletic Supporter takes the helm, inviting three young people who are lost in the desert to be punished: I've Had A Haircut, the succulent Seham Sami and Useless (!). They are kept company by those worthies who signed both out and in after the trails: Tina Turner, Helio Jim, Bam-Bam and Easy Wife.

At this juncture, it's time for another very important event in this week's fun-filled Hash, namely presenting Cracker with a super duper 200-run Tea shirt, before people whose birthdays occur at about this time are suitably rewarded. They include Pet Shop Boy, Castrati, Basket Case, Hoare House Hotel (gets the Pisser) and Easy Rider. And now for this week’s three namings: Steffi Rolsch, who’s been living here for six years, gets named Three Dogs F***ing; the delicious Debbie Seefa will forever and always be known on this and every other Hash as Super Fanny; and, as Bad Lay’s shorts droop lower and lower, Mike Brandt picks up the unique Handle, What A F***er. We round off the day’s proceedings with Hoare House Hotel traditionally burning his boots before leaving Cairo. Before his size 9.5’s go up in flames with the help of a bit of paraffin, he and Useless have a wonderful last drink out of them.

So that was that. On the way back home, it was a case of Barbie’s Squashed Balls to the rescue, jacking up the car of three Egyptian youths who’d driven it onto a rock, so they could steer it to safety. The On-On, kindly organized by Athletic Supporter at her place, to celebrate all the Hash birthdays at this time of year, was a splendid affair. The lamb stew, served with potatoes and sauerkraut, was out of this world and the rich brown and white chocolate cake was simply fabulous. On-On!!

1. New Smelly Galabiya: Marie-Louise
2. Smelly Galabiya: Andy

Older scribes can be found here http://www.cairohash.com/docs/old