Hares: Oh Sh*t I Forgot, Comes Early Comes Often, Lion Fart, Pin Prick,
Hot N Juicy, Can¡¯t Get It Up, Too Drunk To *uck
HASH STATS:
Walkers:60
Runners: 12
Total:72
Quotes of the Day
¡°Do
you think Mena House is sexy?¡± ¡°I am told she had a hard-time keeping her pants
up and that no-one believes her story about the spider.¡±
The Trail
Many thanks to Bierre, the Frenchman, for writing Trash 1519. Itwas also his
first Hare and he got a cool Hash name (see below). We were in Wadi Digla Protectorate and it was sunny and
warm. The Hash started at 4pm for the first time of
this year, which was good because it was hot, making everybody more
thirsty than usual. The walk and the run were set in opposite directions, to make it less confusing for the less intellectually gifted hashers, when the two
cross each other¡¯s path. The Hares set off in the early morning. Everything was going well until Pierre got a
flat tyre when coming back from Hareing the run; Gerard¡¯s
brand new jack wasn¡¯t long enough to lift his Land Cruiser. He couldn¡¯t get it up, but eventually the problem was solved without bloodshed.The walk
took less than an hour, which was good because, as I¡¯ve said, it was
very hot. The first runner came back in at 59¡¯59¡±, because it was an absolutely awesome run,
even though some Hashers didn¡¯t think so (but they were
the less intellectually gifted aforementioned).
The Circular Circle
Hugh J.
Nusssprang into action once everybody had arrived back from the trails and the BBQ charcoal was smouldering nicely. There were
several new people to be introduced including Italian fellows, Croatian
fellows, Nigerian fellows and a surly teenaged girl. Hugh J. Nuss
made a crucial announcement to the speechless crowd, that he had sold his
car, the good¡¯ ole¡¯ Rover that was a common sight at the Hash and Maadi police
station. He also reminded Hashers how to create space in the
trash bags by crushing flat those empty beer cans. And now for the namings: Kocha and Pierre were to be named today. Kocha had hared a few
Hashes ago but on that occasion
was a little Brahms and Liszt, unable to stand upright in
the middle of the circle and be named. Bearing in mind that episode, the competition was wiped out when Too Drunk To *uck
was suggested, as which Kocha will evermore be known as.The
not-rising-high-enough-jack thing from the morning was of course the main
inspiration for Pierre¡¯s naming, who was given the moniker Can¡¯t Get It Up. A nice Hash ended with a tasty BBQ. Delicious meat and beer. On-On!!
The
Groovy Golf Tournament
On Saturday,
2nd May, the 4th Cairo Hash Golf Day was held at Mena House golf
course. The sun was not shining and yes it did try to rain (just a touch), but
everyone involved had a most remarkable day. We missed two companions laid low
at home with Pharaoh¡¯s revenge (or perhaps just really the Horus hangover). See
you next time Christina and Yvette. There were 14 players of 10 nationalities,
with beer being the common language. Quite amazingly everyone was on time with Bottleneck
arriving first, no doubt to stretch his Danish muscles and sneak in a bit of
practice. John and Tineka collected handicaps (Hashers being very handicapped)
while Hot n Juicy organised
registration and lunch. As we sipped our third G + T, Do You Think I¡¯m
Sexy? snapped team photos (regrettably Claudia was in the netty and
John had dispatched everyone to their respective tee-boxes).
Team A:
John; Tineka; Lion Fart; Sam the Sex Perv; and PDF. Team B:Here Is My Package; Rockem-Sockem-Joaqim;
Spankin-Z-Frankin; Tilman and Hugh J. Nuss
(+ Bogey). Team C:David The Suffering Hubby; Bottleneck;
Norwegian Contracts Goddess and Do U Think I¡¯m Sexy?
Team
A teed off from Number 1 and immediately began
tearing up the course, with President¡¯s Daughter Fakker (PDF)
imitating Tiger Woods for the first two holes. After
that I think he probably did a better imitation of Tiger¡¯s caddy. John and
Tineka demonstrated that their physical education, ah, education, was not
wasted and played like pros with Fart providing the long knocks
from the box. Sam The Perv ignored all golf
etiquette and spiced up the day with raunchy inappropriate questions
during everyone¡¯s backswing. Team B had their hands full dodging
all the miss-struck balls being lobbed in their direction from Norwegian
Contracts Goddess until they authorised her son, Tilman, to
return fire. Package and Joaqim kept their team
focused on the mission at hand while Janus kept the beer man on
Tee 4 busy. Spankin-Z-Frankin and Tilman were the lynchpins
of the team, coming thru with crucial chips and putts all the way round. Bogey
watched with glee. Team C, equipped with Sexy¡¯s
8,000 sterling honey of a camera, made the full 18 and it is he we can thank
for some of the photo documentation of the day.
Suffering
Hubby had Juicy delivering him
cold beers and money for services rendered in the ruff. Bottleneck
and Contracts Goddess, both being from the northern parts of Europe, wished they were playing with snowshoes instead
of golf shoes. Our faithful gallery, Aileen and Juicy,
accompanied by Howie (the most Un-Amazing Dog), trudged the
course and observed everyone¡¯s technique carrying from one group to the next the
most outrageous tales about LOFT. (Lack of Fakking Talent). Of course they stopped
often to wash their hands! Finally, after many beers and curses, the motley
crew reassembled on the veranda to exchange lies and outright exaggerations. Food
was eventually delivered and when all mouths were full John dispensed the
awards. Lion Fart was the Men¡¯s Long Knocker of the day; Bottleneck
collected Closest to the Pin on number 14; Tineka was the Ladies Biggest Hitter;
and PDF was Pin Closest on 2. Everyone can see me next time.
Good to the Last Drop (GttLD); Whore House Hotel (WH2); Bad Bastard (BB); Pissed N Broke (PnB); EZ Wife of Brian (EZ); Hugh J. Nuss (HjN) and visitor hare Virgin Captain (VC).